Some Days You Should Just Stay In Bed
by snoopi
Summary: Sam has a problem, a fun fic with silliness. AN: This is my very first fic...from a long time ago. Anyway, just some silliness that just popped into my head one day when I was with my friends.


**Some Days You Should Just Stay In Bed**

**Title:** Some Days You Should Just Stay In Bed  
**Author:** Snoopi  
**Category:** Humour (Hopefully)  
**Pairing:** Smallest hint of Sam & Jack  
**Summary:** Sam has a problem…anything else and I'll probably give it away...anyway, just a bit of silliness.  
**Disclaimer:** Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. I have written this story for entertainment purposes only and no money whatsoever has exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended – In other words…THEY'RE NOT MINE! :(  
**Author's notes:** This is myvery firstfic but… anyway, just some bit of silliness that just popped into my head one day and it kept nagging me. R&R would be very much appreciated !!!

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No! This couldn't be happening. The general wouldn't have ordered this to happen, no sane person would! It was already bad enough at the malls and shopping centres where she would spend most of her down time; but that wasn't often. This was where she worked. Every day. A top-secret military base, in which all of her dreams of going into space had come true, and now she had this to face every day first thing in the morning. She was going to kill the person who suggested this – unless of course that person was the general. Who ever that person was, they had just signed their own death certificate.

Sam walked into the commissary, her face like thunder. Cheerful airmen who walked pass were scowled at, and each of them squeaked and hid in turn. Unfortunately one of the airmen bumped into her. Following his instinct, he immediately went down on his knees and begged for mercy, but it never came. She started interrogating the poor soldier, firing questions at him one after another, threatening him with torture if he didn't answer. This went on for a while until a certain archaeologist (namely Daniel Jackson) came into view whistling happily. Sam saw himself. Of course once Daniel saw what she was doing to the poor man he half screamed, attracting even more attention to him. The airman that Sam was interrogating was instantly forgotten. He hadn't been much help to Sam and now she had new prey. Daniel saw the predatory gleam in her eyes and ran of screaming for help. None came. Each door that he ran past had shut in turn. No one was willing to harbour someone who had Sam on his or her trails. They wanted to live, not die prematurely due to a certain angry, blued eyed, blonde haired, female. Air. Force. Major.

He had never seen this side of Sam before and if he was honest with himself, he would say that he was absolutely petrified. Who wouldn't be? He recalled a time when Jack had told him that everyone has an alternate side to whatever they're normally like, he'd never believed that. Now he wished he did.

Daniel ran straight to Jack's office hoping for some shelter from Sam because Jack was Sam's CO. He pounded the Colonel's door crazily and when Jack saw Daniels stricken face that practically screamed 'Help! Sam's after me' Jack decided to let the poor guy in. But Sam had just turned the corner and when Jack saw the look on Sam's face he swiftly slammed his door shut hitting it hard against Daniel's nose.

As Daniel fell over, Sam calmed down, and the friendly side of her showed again.

" Daniel, are you okay? Do you need to see Janet?"

"Nah, I'm okay. Oh Wow! Look at all those pretty colours in the ceiling." Said Daniel.

" Daniel, I think I might get you to see Janet anyway," said Sam with an extremely concerned look on her face.

"Sam, is it that time of the month again?" mumbled Daniel stupidly. Even in his semi-conscious state he immediately regretted his question. He tried to back away from her as she launched into a lecture about her privacy rights and that _he_ had violated them.

" Daniel, who gave you the right to ask me that question? Of all the stupid, idiotic things you have said so far that has to be the winner. This is absolutely none of your business unless of course you were the one who suggested about the elevator. But to answer your question, no it isn't 'that time of the month' again."

Daniel breathed a sigh of relief before he was swung against the opposite door. Jack, who was about half way out of the room stepped back and shut the door as inconspicuously as possible, but unfortunately for him, it wasn't enough to fool Sam's trained eyes and ears. Now Sam tuned to Jack. When she tuned her back Daniel bolted straight back down the corridor to the infirmary hoping that Sam won't follow.

Jacks luck had totally ran out. Sam was in his office with a feral look on her face again. He had only seen this look once and that was when Sam was infected with that broca virus; but this was worse. She wasn't infected and the look had just gotten ten times worse. It wasn't the 'screw me' look either; it was the 'I'm so going kill you if you don't give me the right answer 'look'' and it scared the living crap out of him; of course the fact that he was her commanding officer had totally slipped his mind (Sam sorta has that affect on people).

Sam glared at Jack. She was starting to see red. He had glazed look on his face, the fact that he was scared shitless didn't matter. In other cases she might have thought this look was rather cute but this was serious. It was about her sanity and _he_ wasn't paying any attention. She was just leaning over to wack him in the head when he jumped up and ran off to the infirmary. At the pace he was going he would have made an Olympic sprinter proud.

In his haste to get out he knocked Sam over. As she fell she scraped her arm against the table. She picked her self up and headed towards the infirmary. She was going to need stitches. Her arm had a deep, long gash running across its length. She ran straight into Janet office and saw that she was trying to hide something behind her desk. Sam pretended not to notice.

"Janet, I think I need stitches."

" Yes Sam, I think you do. Let me take a closer look at it. Sam, how exactly did this happen?" Asked Janet.

"Well Janet for some weird reason Colonel O'Neill made a mad dash away from me and that knocked me over. As I was falling I my arm scraped across the edge."

"Ow." Replied Janet as she started to disinfect the wound and bandage it.

"Yeah."

" So, Sam I heard a couple of rumours about you from the airmen. What exactly have you been doing? I mean I know the grapevine here is bad but news can't travel around the whole base in less than half an hour if it isn't important."

"Well, I suppose I was being a _bit_ rough to the personnel…"

" Well Sam, those poor airmen and Jack and Daniel are scared shitless. Teal'c claimed that he was returning to the service of Apophis because of _your_ problems. You traumatized them. You sent _dozens_ of those poor, harmless, _helpless_ soldiers here hyperventilating from trying to get a way from you?" Accused Janet.

"I had a good reason for doing those things Janet. It was detrimental to my mental health. I was getting information! It was about the elevator music." Janet, focusing on stitching Sam's arm didn't seem to notice Sam's agitation on the elevator music and moved the conversation right along.

" Oh, yeah. That was a pretty good idea of mine huh Sam?"

" Janet," said Sam in a low and deadly voice. " You almost made me go insane, you made me beat the crap out of everybody I meet and now, I am going to kill you very, very slow…"

Sam's threat trailed off as Janet had just finished stitching and held up a big needle that was usually reserved for spinal taps.

"Oh! That doesn't sound very nice. Anyways, you were saying Sam…."

"Uh, never mind that last sentence. Janet what are you going to do with that needle? Janet? Janet?" Sam was bordering on panic. "You know I don't like them right? You know that I am _very_ prone to pain. Right? " Said Sam while trying to back away from Janet with out tripping and falling over medical equipment. Janet continued to advance on Sam. "Janet, don't be too hasty with that needle of yours." Yelled Sam. Sam was asphyxiating. It's not right she thought. Doctors aren't supposed to scare their patients.

"I recon that was a pretty damn good idea of mine. I just got sick of the boring old elevator day after day after day, so I filed in a request for elevator music. Next I'm going to ask for suspense music. Suspense music would suit our cause much better and mayb…" Sam didn't here the rest of Janet's ideas. She had already started running off. The last thing she heard from Janet was "Sam, where are you going? I haven't finished with you yet, didn't you want to hear the rest of my…" Sam was long gone.

After that little encounter with Janet, Sam decided to have an early night and went home earlier than usual. The guards at the entrance stared at her weirdly but didn't comment. 1 dose of Sam's wrath was more than enough for one day.

Next morning, bright and early Sam entered the mountain, showed her ID card to the still nervous guards and went down. The first thing she noticed was that the elevator music was gone. Then something evil happened. The elevator shuddered to a stop just as she reached the level of which her lab was situated in. There was about and inch of the elevator showing at the top of the doorway which led towards the elevators. Sam started to pound of the doors to get it open. After fifteen minutes of bruising her arm and saying things that would make marines blush Sam stopped.

" Great. Just great. Now what am I supposed to do?" Just then Sam looked up and saw the emergency phone. "Duh," she said as she hit herself on the head "I should've done that first." She broke the glass and picked up the phone it started to dial automatically and Sam heard the soothing tones of ringing. After about 4 rings, the phone was picked up by the answering machine, "Hi! I'm not in at the moment. Actually, I'm not going to be in for a long while. It's my vacation. Anyway, if you're ringing 'cause you're stuck in the elevator…well, I seriously doubted that would happen but here's another number you call just in case: 555-Stuck. I'll say it again 555-Stuck. Have a nice day. Bye!" Sam hung up looking at the phone with a disgusted look. Talking about unreliable services. "I suppose I should give that number a try. 5-5-5-7-8-8-2-5" This time the results were even worse. The mechanical operators voice came on this time. "The number you are calling is unavailable. Please check your number and try again. The number you are cal…" Sam hung up. This was ridiculous. Being trapped in an elevator. It couldn't get any worse. The elevator music came on. It just got worse. And this time, it was Janet's suspense music. Since when did these sorts of things have such fast service? Oh yeah, that's right. It was Janet who asked for it. It was Janet with the unnatural obsession with needles. Even Apophis's army would look pathetic against that.

The same time that day in another part of the mountain, a certain archaeologist was looking out for Sam. She was angry and mean yesterday but she wouldn't be today right? Daniel decided not to take any chances today so this morning he had put on padding underneath his normal clothes had had taken on to wearing a baseball helmet. (For extra protection.) You never knew with Sam. Daniel assumed that Sam would be at the base by now so he went off Sam's lab. He pressed the button for the lift and waited.

He had been waiting for around 10 minutes and the lift still hadn't come. Then he found Janet coming along. "Hello Daniel. What are you doing with the helmet and padding on?"

"Huh? Oh! That's protection. You can't be too careful these days."

"Oh. Well I love the helmet. The greens and the blues are fabulous."

"Yeah they are. Listen, Janet do you know what's wrong with the elevator? I've been waiting for 10 minutes already."

"Uh, no. I don't actually. Maybe we should call General Hammond. It might have something to do with the suspense music we installed last night."

"You installed suspense music?" Said Daniel with a low whistle "man is Sam going to be pissed" he mumbled, under his breath.

"What was that Daniel?" Inquired Janet.

"Uh…nothing." He didn't need a pissed off Janet going at him. He already had Sam.

They turned another corner and knocked on Hammonds door.

"Come." With that they both walked in.

" Dr. Jackson, Dr. Fraiser. What brings you here today? Oh by the way Dr. Jackson, the colour of that helmet is superb!"

"Why, thank you general. That's exactly what Janet said. Anyway, we were wondering if you know what's happened to the elevator."

"As a matter fact I do. The instalment of the elevator music has caused this problem. And I do believe Major Carter is trapped inside."

"Sam's trapped and you haven't done anything about it?"

"Well we couldn't get any of the technicians in. most of them are off world and some of them haven't arrived yet. But I'm sure she'll be out and about by 3 o'clock this afternoon. The doors are open so someone can pass in any work that the Major needs to do through the hole. Oh, and they could also pass through some flat foods. I'm sure she'll be hungry soon. Dismissed."

But Daniel and Janet had already walked off.

Sam was going stir crazy with nothing to do and does the music have to be the same tune over and over again? I mean, don't they have different _kinds_ of suspense music? Just then someone passed something through the gap in the elevator.

"Major? You are in there right!" Sam immediately jumped up and dashed across the elevator to the part where the sound was coming from.

"Yes sir. I'm here. There's no one else with me so you don't have to worry about anyone else."

"Good. Uh Carter?"

"Yes, sir?"

"The things that I just pushed through? That's the paperwork that must be done by the time you're out of thiselevator. It's a specialised version important documents that must be done because of your..ah..situation. Make sure youfill everything out."

"Yes sir."

"Oh and here's a sandwich." Jack said as he passed through a deliberately squashed egg and lettuce sandwich. "I had to squash it a little to get it through."

Sam looked at the sandwich and scrunched up her nose. Her initial thought was 'he calls that a little squashed?' her next thought was 'did he _sit_ on it to squash it?' … then she decided to leave that train of thought. He might as well give her two pieces of pancake with eggs and lettuce between them. Oh well. At least it's something to eat.

" Thank you sir."

" You're welcome Carter. Don't forget about the papers."

" I won't. And sir?"

"Yes Carter?"

"Do you know when I'll be out of here? This music is making me go insane."

"Hammond said around three Carter. Good luck." And with that the Colonel left the Major to her music.

It was 1300 and Sam was wondering why she was doing this. The so-called paperwork Jack had set her to were just stupid questions based on whatshe thought about the SGC's lift and mechanical devices system. The papers consisted of the same questions again and again each one the samein an ever so subtle way. If she weren't going crazy from the music she would be going crazy from these stupid questions. There were at least fifty pages of the stuff all to be handed in by three. Why, oh why did it have to be her?

If only it was just another normal day, with a bunch of normal, glowy-eyed, aliens plotting to take over the universe. She should have just stayed in bed today.


End file.
